Fatherhood

My wife and I welcomed our daughter into the world on 17 August. I’ve since learned a few things:

• Watching TV shows in 10-minute stints is difficult. What is a movie?
• Reheated coffee is not for me ☕️
• All old people think it’s OK to touch my kid. Hands off, Margaret
• I’m actually sleeping more (exhaustion really helps combat that pesky insomnia)
• I take way more photos than I ever thought I would 📷
• Alarm clock, meet bin
• Nappies. Lots of Nappies.
• Please stop making that noise
• Oh god please make some sort of noise 😱
• Single parents are super-human. Twins? No thanks.
• 2 weeks statutory paternity leave is a disgrace (I got 4, it wasn’t enough)
• My wife is my hero (this isn’t new, just worth repeating)
• I. Must. Clean. Everything.
• Can you smell poop? 💩
• Time flies. Unless she’s screaming.
• I still think about that first smile
• Oh hello wife how have you been?
• I am now skilled enough to dress an octopus 🐙
• I need a bigger the biggest car.
• 5 minute shopping trip planned? better just write-off the afternoon
• Hey other parent, wanna talk about poop and compare sleep schedules?
• Do I have to go to work?
• I know it’s 9pm but I should maybe go to work, you got this right?
• That laugh 😭
• is it gross if I leave the house wearing this?
• Bath time is the best, post-bath time is armageddon
• That’s a cute outfit! (who am I?)
• Mary Poppins ain’t got shit on our nappy bag 👜
• Noise cancelling headphones, get in my basket
• Would you like a wet wipe? I have 17 thousand of them
• Everything I thought mattered.. matters less
• Shall we book a holida… nah that sounds too stressful
• passes hand sanitizer 🤲